Crap… so we’re in ME, now what!
by Chaotic Jinx
Summary: Well wouldn’t you no? 2 girls get chucked into M.E. Just your average fangirl fic? I THINK NOT! The fellowship doesn’t no what its in for...
1. oh crap

**Title: **Crap… so we're in M.E, now what?!

Chapter 1 

**Disclaimer**: Don't own don't sew.

_A/N: Just my deluded mind trying to be funny. What might happen 2 girls fell into Middle Earth from the beginning. Ya, it's been done to death but bear with me._

_Expect bad gramma and spelling, please just ignore, unless it's a name or place. Any info on details to the story would help, and this is only R ratted to be safe._

Two friends sat (like most stories like this begin) watching their favourite movie of all time. And NO!!! It was NOT any of the LOTR movies; it was in fact 'The Chronicles of Riddick.'

Ruth turned to Quinn. "God, don't u just love it whenever Riddick smirks like that?"

Quinn in turn smirked. "Defiantly. Oooo, yum, he's all sweaty! NOOO! Look out Riddick!"

Both girls cringe asLord Vaako knocked out Riddick and left him to burn to ashes on Crematoria's surface.

Suddenly there was a freak bolt of lightning that hit the house the two girls were in (Quinn's house. And know one else was home, coincidently enough…) coursing a wormhole to open before them. This was quiet strange because it was only 7:30 and this sort of thing shouldn't happen until nearly 10:00-ish. And the fact that there was no sign of a storm that this lightning bolt came from…

"HOOLY SHIT RUTH! WHAT DO WE DO?!" yelled Quinn over the noise of the worm hole (That was all 'whooshing' and what-not)

"HOW ABOUT WE EGNORE IT?!" She replied just as loud. The two would have just ignored it, had it not chosen that exact moment to suck the two girls from the face of the planet and catapult them too the end of the universe, the beginning of time, the birth of space and the destruction of the 'hello kitty' factory….

They spent forever just spinning and being pulled apart and had there insides pulled inside out and back to front, forever they just kept falling and spinning and being jostled and throne every which way.

The second after they were sucked in they were spat out on a grassy meadow at the edge of a forest.

Both girls sat in a daze unable to move for quite some time before Quinn rolled onto her side and threw up. Ruth smelt the vomit and tried very hard not to puke as well.

When Quinn was finished retching she slowly sat up, wiped her mouth and looked around. Before realising she shouldn't have tried too move her head that fast and collapsed back on the ground.

Ruth, seeing this from Quinn, decided to skip the added nausea and just stayed lying down.

After a long and boring hour or so, they both decided they were feeling much better and were well and truly BORED!

"Quinn?"

"Ya?"

"Where the hell are we?"

"Beats me."

"Any guesses?"

Quinn paused, before smirking. "I hope we're in the Riddick universe, and we just landed on some random planet and Riddick is about to come along and take us an adventure and fall in love with you, and after much angsty-ness you both settle down to live a life on the run, with me as a part of your crew."

Ruth just snorted at this. "And why are you being so generis and letting me have him?"

"Cause I'm only 17 and a half and your 19. Your old enough for sex."

Ruth laughed hard at this. "And you look like you're about 25!" Quinn smirked. It was true. When she hit 14 her hormones went into over drive and she looked older then her sister (19) according to other people. But any way. Back on track. They're still confused.

"Ok, as much as I hope that happens, I highly doubt it will. So… what the fuck should we do?"

Quinn thought for a moment and looked around. "Ok, new theory, we're in Middle Earth, and that forest is… an… elfish, type… forest and clearly the fellowship is about to march threw hear and take us on a merry adventure!" Quinn reads far too much fan fiction. Ruth however doesn't even know what the sight is. And despite all of Quinn's best attempts, she hadn't quite grasped what it was.

But any way. Ruth just laughed again. Their situation was clearly one where no matter what, they seemed to be screwed. The likeliness that they had actually fallen into some sort of movie-verse was next to impossible. Quinn's best deduction is that they ate some out of date popcorn and were having hallucinations right now. But then a little voice in the back of Quinn's head kept whispering, _'Nothings impossible, just improbable.' _

"Oh shut up" She muttered to the smart arse voice.

"Are you talking to me?" Ruth demanded.

"No, just the voices in my head."

Ruth shrugged. "Oh, well that's all right then."

But then Quinn remembered the trees again. "RUTH!"

Ruth startled, "What?! What is it?"

"The trees!" Quinn hissed. Ruth was instantly on guard and in defence mode as she stared into the towering trees in front of them.

"What is it Quinn?"

Quinn continued to stare at the trees. She had only been joking when she suggested they'd run into Riddick or the Fellowship. But these trees looked suspiciously like the ones from Lothlorian.

"Ruth?" Quinn asked faintly.

"Yes?" She replied threw gritted teeth.

"Do you recognise these trees?" Ruth studied them for a moment.

"Not really-"

"It's Lothlorian! We're in Middle Earth!!!" Quinn started cheering.

Ruth looked baffled, then grabbed Quinn. "Don't be stupid. That's impossible. Your just a delusional teenager on a pop corn binge and I'm just tagging along for kicks."

'_Nothings impossible, just improbable.' _

"I'm not! Your not! I'd recognise those trees anywhere! After all the extra footage I watched on the behind the scenes!"

"Are you shore?"

"Dead shore! There's elves in those woods! They'll help us." Quinn stated confidently, with much arm gestures and bizarre hand movements. (She'd recently been watching 'Pirates of the Caribbean.')

"And if they don't?"

"They will." She persisted.

So the two agreed to enter the forest and seek help. And if anything went wrong, Ruth was blaming Quinn. Quinn was mainly hoping that this would all play out like a corny fan fiction story and they'd be 'Added characters' and help save the day. Maybe they were hear in time to meet the Fellowship. Then again maybe not, the chances of that happening were next to none. But then so was falling into a freak wormhole.

_Ok what do we think? I no, it's just an ordinary M.E fan girl story, but SHUT UP! Leave me with my fun why don't you! And it's actually supposed to be corny._

_I haven't quite decided if I should go all out and do the Mary-Sue-ish thing and give the two girls a couple of lads to get. (I know which ones) Tell, me should I do the stupid romance and have some PG ratted smut scenes? Or should I just make them little worrier princesses?_

_My first LOTR Fic, BE NICE! Or be nasty. There's probably just going to be lots of short chapters. _

_K, By. **R&R!!!** _


	2. doubly crap

**Title: **Crap… so we're in M.E, now what?!

**Chapter 2:**

_Ok guys and girls, hope you enjoy the next instalment… Oh yeah, and I don't own anything, blah, blah, blah…_

The girls had been walking for hours, well, it felt like hours to them. But in fact it had only been one hour, or so.

"Quinn, we're lost."

"No we're not."

"Yes we are. We've already past that tree."

"How can you tell? They all look the bloody same!"

"I can tell. And we're lost."

"No we're not."

Ruth exploded. "How can YOU tell if we're NOT lost?!? Hmmm?" She demanded. Quinn simply turned on her heel to face Ruth with a cocky smirk.

"Because we were never found, so how can we be lost? We're not lost because we never new where we were to begin with, therefore we can't be lost or found and simply are."

Ruth blinked. "Did that actually make sense?"

"I think so."

"Well good, as long as you know what your rambling about."

So the girls continued their long and tiresome walk deeper and deeper into the forest.

"Hmmm." Quinn muttered rather loudly with a frown on her face.

Ruth sighed. Quinn only did that when she _wanted_ you to ask her what she was thinking.

"Yes Quinn?" Ruth asked in a half annoyed voice. Why Quinn couldn't just come out and say stuff was beyond her. Always the little drama Queen.

"Well." Quinn began hesitantly, "This could be nothing mind you, but, if this _is_ Lothlorian, then-" Quinn stopped again and turned to look sharply at the trees to her left. Ruth glanced over there as well. There had been the most subtle of rustling's that could have easily been just a light breeze threw the trees. Quinn continued to walk and gestured for Ruth to follow.

"What the hell is up Quinn?"

Quinn smiled and looked at Ruth. "Act normal, like I'm telling you something funny."

Ruth looked sceptical. "Why?"

Quinn continued to smile in that wired creepy forced sort of look. "Because I think we are being followed." She said quietly.

Ruth instantly whipped her head to look back at the same bushes as before. "Don't look." Quinn hissed. Ruth instantly put her head to the front. Now that Quinn mentioned it, she'd had the enate feeling of being watched for a while now, but just brushed it of as paranoia.

"Ok," Quinn began in a low whisper as they continued to walk. "What I was going to say before is that we are a fair way into the forest and if this is Lothlorian then we should have run into some sort of watch. You no, elves guarding the border."

Ruth looked a bit nervus. "Well maybe this isn't Lothlorian." Quinn shook her head.

"No, I recognise the trees from the description in the book and the movies."

Ruth snorted. "You didn't read the books. Your such a simpleton that you thought the writings of Tolkien were 'Boring as all hell' I think were your exact words."

Quinn scowled. "I said it was boring as all hell because it was! But that doesn't mean I didn't give it a descent attempt at reading it. I mean, I was onto the second book when I finally lost interest."

Ruth snorted. "Shore Quinn, shore." Quinn blew her a raspberry.

"Can we focus hear?" Quinn demanded.

Ruth simply giggled and kept walking, she loved getting Quinn all wound up, it was one of her favourite pass times, and it was just so damned easy! _'Like shooting fish in a barrel' _she thought coyly.

"Ok, I think you were about to say something stupid, so please continue." Quinn smacked Ruth's arm.

"Sigh, such disrespect for your betters." Ruth smacked Quinn behind the head. She did this quite often and Quinn was shore she was going to suffer permanent damage someday. But she let that one slide for now.

"As I was _saying_." Quinn scowled stupidly at Ruth, who just rolled her eyes and threw a handful of leaves at her. "I think we should try to talk to them, cos I'm pretty shore they know we know." Ruth thought this sounded stupid. She new if she were the elves she'd run at the first sight of Quinn.

"But," Continued Quinn with an annoying smirk, "I don't think they know we know, they know we know." Quinn snickered as Ruth tried to make shore what Quinn said actually made sense.

"Shut up Quinn."

Quinn snickered and started pelting her with little pieces of a stick she had picked up and was slowly snapping bits off.

"Ok, so assuming they know we know-" Ruth began.

"Yeah, they know we know, but they don't know that we know that they know we know. Unless they do know that we know they know we-"

Smack. "Shut up Quinn."

Quinn laughed and tried to get Ruth back, and failed as she scampered out of reach and bound up onto a fallen log and started to walk along type-rope walker style.

"Any ways, shouldn't we try to ask for help?"

Quinn scowled. "I've already said that!"

"Whatever, so how are we going to ask for help?"

Quinn smirked, "Like this: HEY!! IS THERE ANY ELVES OUT THERE?!?! COULED YOU HELP US PLEASE?!?!"

Ruth nearly fell off her log trying to shut Quinn up. "What are you doing you stupid cow?" She hissed. But was met with silence. Quinn was watching the trees. Everything had gone still. Ruth noticed how quiet the forest had become. Even the trees seemed to hold their breath.

"Oooo, spooky." Quinn giggle. No one came out to talk to them, but they both new they were still there.

"Ruth, they must have smelt you and now wont come out, it's all your fault."

Smack.

"Ow! Right, that's it!" Quinn tackled Ruth, who fell on her butt on the other side of the fallen tree.

"Ooops." Quinn muttered from her heap half on top of Ruth. "You bitch!" Ruth said threw her giggles.

"Are you alright?" Quinn asked only half concerned.

"Well, I think I bruised my ovaries, but other then that-"

"Your fine." Quinn said while snorting and hoisting Ruth to her feet.

**Somewhere in the bushes in the general direction Quinn was shouting at:**

The gruesome twosome definitely was being followed, and personally Bailenal was quite surprised the two had become aware of his presence. He would be getting a stern talking too from the March Warden when he arrived. He'd been ordered just to follow the girls, as the Lady of light had commanded, and await Haldir.

Galadriel said the girls were relatively harmless, but they shore did look rather, shall we say sinister? Well, at least the one named Quinn did. He almost shuddered at what she was waring. She wore black loose pants with many pockets and chains rapped around her waist, which hung at different lengths, Tucked into knee length brown leather boots lined with fir. She was wearing a black tourn singlet with one sleeve off the shoulder.

Her dark brown, almost black hair was cropped short around her shoulders in a very male fashion. But what really scarred the elf were her decorations. Many chunky necklaces in dark metals and dark stones hung around her neck. Her wrists had odd amounts or strange jewels. There seemed to be a spiked leather band on one wrist and countless black bracelets on the other.

Then there were the many rings. Some were leering sculls, and dark designs, while on her middle finger of each hand there was a claw like ring that covered her whole finger.

But her face it self looked very fierce. Her eyes were lined heavily with kohl and her lips were painted an unnatural dark red, almost blood red. Her eyes looked big and hollow, as if they could pierce threw any mans armour easier then an arrow. They were a bronze intense brown, and seemed to burn with an inner fire. There were many heavy rings and studs of different sizes in each of her ears and a glittery stud in her nose. She definitely looked the more evil of the two.

Her friend was very strange to him. She had very dark brown skin, and big walnut shaped liquid brown eyes. She fascinated him. All of her black hair was braided into many tiny braids and she too was dressed strangely. She was dressed in a very revealing pale brown skirt with a spaghetti strapped olive green singlet. She only wore thongs on her feet, and had alot les jewellery and no makeup at all. She had a simple gold heart on a chain around her neck and blue wristbands on either arm.

Though her attire was far less elaborate, she was very interesting, she stood only about 5'0" while her friend must have been about 5'6". Her dark skin was most baffling, the only people Bailenal had ever heard of with dark skin was the men of the east, and a rare band of elves from very far south called 'dark elves', but one again, she was to short for an elf, and the men of the east were far paler then she. Also their hair was not so tightly curled as hers.

Well any way, as Bailenal continued to scrutinise the two 'sinister' girls he failed to notice Haldir approaching until he was right next to him, Bailenal suppressed a flinch and looked at the two other elves Haldir had with him, Elest and Camlel. Both older elves then himself.

"March Warden." Bailenal nodded in greeting. Haldir didn't answer, instead he looked to the girls who were currently watching in amazement as silver tip butterflies fluttered around them and were happily laughing and squealing in delight. Despite their appearance, they didn't look so evil to him, not like some of the other elves posted at the very edges of the forest had reported.

"Quinn called out to us, she asked for help. What is our orders sir?" Asked Bailenal.

Elest frowned. "So we are already on first name biases with the enemy?"

Bailenal scowled. "I just payed attention enough to hear what they call each other." He replied in annoyance.

"They are not yet our enemy Elest, do not scorn Bailenal. He is right to ask, our orders are to bring to two before ore Lady and Lord."

_Dun dun DUHHHHH, dramatic music!!!!! On that note, I shall leave you with my uba crappy cliffhanger, next chapter will come soon. Sorry it's moving so slow, but it will be a fair while until we see the fellowship. And then it'll just follow the normal story line._

…_Or will it?…_

_Tell me your thoughts and ideas on the matter._


	3. DIE MORTAL!

**Title: **Crap… so we're in M.E, now what?!

**Chapter 2: **

**Disclaimer: **_still don't own it. _

_A/N: Say, is that another chapter? I do believe it is! Now how about that! You know, authors do really love reviews, it's how we survive threw all the madness! Ok, now go read. _

'Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you'll get.'

That is the one thought going threw Quinn's head as she turns around, following the brilliant little butterflies and came face to face with 4 stern looking blond ELVES! All with bows drawn and at the ready.

"Meep."

Ruth turned to look at what had stoped her friend from frolicking and froze in mid step.

"Oh we are _so _screwed."

"Nonsense." Quinn quipped, looking at Ruth, "We were looking for the elves, and now we've found them."

"Or more accurately, they've found us."

"Technical detail."

The elves looked as though they were getting impatient. "You have entered the realm of Lothlorian. And you are not welcome. What business do you have hear?"

Both girls turned to the elf. "Dose he look familia to you?" Ruth hissed at Quinn.

"Nope." Quinn flashed a cheesy grin. "Are you going to shoot us?"

"That remains to be seen and depends on you answer." The same elf said. Quinn noticed that all the elves were dressed in soft greys, that matched the trees perfectly, but the one who spoke had a more intricate design on his clothes under the traditional Lothlorian cloak. _'Maybe he's that Haldir dude. I always liked him. Pity he died. He was kinda hot too!' _Quinn thought distractedly.

Ruth was still frozen from the shock of it all. Quinn sighed. She'd have to do the talking. Quinn _hatted _having to do the talking.

"Well, we are lost… travellers, and we were actually searching for you guys."

The one on the first elves left, who appeared to be younger then the others looked surprised.

"Why were you calling to us before?" Quinn raised an eyebrow.

"Cos we wanted help. Duh. I thought elves were smart?" Bailenal blushed. Quinn grinned. Ruth smacked her upside her head.

"Ow!"

"Be polite ya Goth Wally!"

Quinn ground her teeth at the nickname. "I am NOT a Goth! Much less a Goth Wally. If anything, you may call me waffle. And ONLY waffle. Nothing else." (Don't ask, the story is long and tiresome, just no that Quinn is nicknamed, 'Goth Wally' AND 'Waffle'. Not even she understands why…)

All four elves were shore that the two young humans were either specking another language or simply spouting gibberish.

_"They speak strangely don't they Camlel?"_ Elest said to His companion in elfish.

Elest nodded. _"Maybe we should just shoot them."_ He replied only half joking.

Bailenal snorted. _"Galadriel would not be pleased."_

Haldir looked scornfully upon the other three elves as they shared a grin. _"I do not think this is the time to be making jokes."_

Elest sobered for a moment. _"Haldir, seriously, lighten up. We are only joking." _

_"Yeah,"_ added Bailenal _"Its not like we'd really shoot them in the head. Just in the foot or something." _

_"Quiet elfling!"_ Camlel snapped in a funny voice that sounded like he was trying not to laugh in front of the human girls.

As the elves continued to speak of trivial things, the two girls stood, still afraid, then nervus, then just down right annoyed.

"I think they've forgotten us." Quinn muttered quietly.

Ruth was still alert to the elves who were still bantering. "No, their probably deciding whether they are going to kill us or not."

Quinn leaned in squinting at the elves listening hard.

"They're probably trying to think of the best way to kill us. The least messy. Maybe something involving acorns." Ruth was getting worked up again and continued to babble.

_"No Elest, we are NOT tying them to a tree and pretending we never sore them."_ Haldir snapped.

_"Fine, well then can I at least blind fold them?"_

Camlel sighed. _"They are nothing but clumsy humans. If we blind fold them they will simply hinder us longer and trip over their feet every second moment."_

_"How about we knock them out then?"_ Bailenal asked.

_"Shut up the three of you! We have orders."_ Haldir growled finally losing all patients.

"What are they saying?" Ruth breathed to Quinn. The first elf sounded really menacing when he shut the other three up.

Quinn, still squinting, took one last glance between the elves before turning to Ruth.

"Well, from what I can decipher, they are either trading tips on how to cook frogs legs or all the different ways to vacuome a fir tree."

Ruth sighed with inpatients. "Your are useless. And we are gonna die. And it's all your fault!!!"

Quinn pouted. "I don't see _you_ making an effort. Ok, seriously, I think the first one is Haldir, and the one on his left is named Bailenal. They mentioned Galadriel once or twice, so I think they're gonna take us to her, or are gonna kill us cause she said so."

The elves stopped talking abruptly and Haldir approached them. "You are to come with us. We shall take you to Galadriel. I am Haldir, this is Bailenal, Elest and Camlel. Follow us."

And so with little else one their busy schedules the two girls followed the elf party further into the woods. Eventually they came along a path and followed that. The elves continued to talk to each other in elfish while the two girls tried to work out what the fuck they were on about.

"Ok, Bailenal just said 'Ada', and that means father, so their talking about the latest football match that he went to see with his dad." Quinn stated.

Ruth just laughed and continued laughing until the elf in question turned to her.

"What is it that amuses you so?" He asked in his serine elfish like manner.

"Nothing" the girls both said far to quickly for Bailenal's liking.

"Hay, you know what?" Quinn asked Bailenal.

"What"

"You didn't ask us what our names were. I thought elves were polite?"

Belainal grimaced. This girl was annoying. She was trying to embarrass him again. _'Damned humans.' _

"You are Quinn and your friend is Ruth. Happy?"

Quinn looked unhappy at his response. "Fine." She muttered before stomping off to go walk with Haldir. He was a stiff, but that made teasing him all the more fun. Bailenal was left with Ruth.

"Where do you hale from my Lady?" Bailenal asked suddenly. Her appearance still confused him.

"Pupa New Guinea. It's a small island off the Northern coast of Australia."

Bailenal looked back with a blank expression.

"Err… never mind. I'm from an island ok?"

Bailenal just nodded and decided it was best to let it lie.

Mean while, Quinn was walking next to Haldir.

"So," she began, trying to think of a conversation topic. "You're the March Warden. What's that like?"

Haldir glanced down at the strange girl. He really didn't want to have to actually talk to this annoying girl. "I am _a_ March warden, yes. I am in fact the captain of the March wardens."

"Ooo, a captain. So, that makes you what? The best of the best?"

He raised an eyebrow. "I suppose."

Silence rained.

Quinn sighed. "You really aren't helping the conversation, you no?"

Haldir raised an eyebrow, again. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if you gave me more then two word answers this walk wouldn't take nearly as long as it feels!" Quinn snapped.

Haldir scowled at the stupid human. Why should he bother making an effort for her? "What is it you wish of me to say?" He asked calmly. Quinn new that calm voice. It's the voice her mother used when she wanted Quinn to do something without an argument.

"I don't know, anything! What you do for a living, what kind of place we're going to, what you had for breakfast, hell, even how the wether is!" Quinn cried out in frustration.

Haldir examined the girl. "What dose it matter if I speak or not?"

Quinn sighed. "There's no use talking to you, you're boring." And with that she fell back to bug Ruth and Bailenal.

Haldir was shocked. He was boring? Never had anyone said anything like this before. He decided he did not like Quinn very much.

That night they camped in the forest. It would take another day to reach the city (A/N: What's the city called where Galadriel lives? QUICK! SOMEBODY!) and the two girls were trying to find something to do during the evening, as there was nothing left to do.

They sat, laying around the camp sight. Quinn sighed, in total, TOTAL boredom. She glanced over at Ruth and decided the other girl was far to content.

'Must…. Resist…. Annoying. GAH! I have a need, a need to POKE something…. Ruth will kill me, but then again, Haldir is in range. OH MY GOD!!! I've always wondered if elves were ticklish. Oh I am SO evil. Mwahahahaha!!!'

Quinn slyly glanced from side to side. No one was watching. She took a quick glance over at Haldir. He was jabbing at the fire with a long stick.

Haldir reached over and nudged a log so as to make shore the log would burn properly. He was only half concentrating on what he was doing. The two girls were quite strange. But Galadriel had warned him of this, so he tried to think little of it. Ruth dressed in what most would call unacceptable garments, but after all his many centuries on this earth, Haldir had seen many strange fashions from other races.

But the one Quinn, was quite the little darkling. As they had walked she had made random comments referring to dark magic and an evil patron of hers, one called Satan. Both girls laughed at this, but it was strange to laugh at evil like that. She dressed like a man, and Haldir, for some reason admired that. Not many women would dare to do such a thing in the human race. It was quite common in Lothlorian to find female wardens, so Haldir was accustomed to such things, but it was still strange for she was no elf.

Haldir was so deep in thought he did not notice when the current thing on his mind reached out and quite forcefully poked him in the side. He jerked to the side and glared at the offending human.

When he jumped like that Quinn burst in to gleeful laughter. Ruth realised what she'd done and fell off he log laughing.

"Why did you do that?" Haldir demanded threw gritted teeth.

Neither of the girls answered for quite some time, as they were still cackling mercilessly on the ground.

"I… can't believe… you did that!" Ruth gasped trying her damned hardest to calm down. Quinn was more successful and sat up to look at Haldir, but at the look on his face she was down again laughing.

"It wasn't that funny."

"Oh yes it was! Your face was priceless! I had no idea elves were ticklish until now!" Quinn sighed and sat up.

"Well you learn something new everyday." Ruth said and got up brushing the leaves off her skirt before sitting back down.

Haldir scowled and stared moodily into the fire.

"Aw, your not mad at me are you?" Quinn asked coyly.

Haldir shot her a death glare that could have frozen the bionic bunny in its tracks.

It had no effect on Quinn.

Quinn slid over so she was right next to Haldir and butted him lightly with her shoulder in a feline gesture.

"Come on Haldir, it was only a little fun. We do it to each other all the time."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" The March warden huffed in a rather graceful manner only elves could pull off.

"Well don't feel so special, oh I have plans for the other three, oh yes, plans indeed." Quinn cackled rubbing her hands together in a manacle kind of way. "After all, in the name of science we must carry out my little experiment more then once."

Haldir rased an eyebrow. "Experiment?"

Ruth rolled her eyes. "Hear we go."

"Whether or not the elvan race of Lothlorian are ticklish." Quinn announced in an extravagant way.

Ruth smacked her forehead.

Just then Bailenal walked back into the clearing. "Watch this." Quinn whispered at Haldir behind her hand.

Quinn sprung up and sauntered over to Bailenal. Bailenal looked at her then they started to talk for a moment or two, suddenly Quinn gasped and pointed behind Bailenal, the elf turned to look, and when his guard was down, Quinn poked him in the side. The elf made a wired gurgle noise and grabbed Quinn's finger.

"What was that for?!"

Quinn smirked, "Science."

Bailenal scowled. "She did it to me too." Haldir called still gracefully huffing.

Bailenal smirked. "Really." Quinn didn't like that smirk. It was the smirk she herself used whenever she was about to do something her counter part would not like.

Bailenal used elfish grace, speed and agility to turn Quinn around, grab her around the waist with one hand and use the other to start tickling her mercilessly. Ruth laughed at the sight of the two. Quinn was gasping for breath and had slumped in Bailenal's grip. The elf let her drop then followed her to the ground continuing his assault.

"Stop, STOP!!" Quinn was yelling out between helpless laughing fits. She was very, _very_ ticklish.

"Oh no, I don't think so my lady." Bailenal laughed out. Ruth was laughing her arse off and even the stoic Haldir was chuckling at the two's antics. Somehow Quinn wormed her way out from under Bailenal and dived on top of him trying to get to his waist to tickle him back. Just then Elest and Camlel wondered back into the clearing and froze on sight of Bailenal and Quinn.

Quinn was straddled Bailenal who had one hand on her thigh and the other grappling around her shoulder, trying to get a grip to pull her off. It looked like he was trying to grab her boob.

Bailenal and Quinn froze. "Crap." Bailenal muttered. Ruth fell off her log again, and Haldir's throaty laugh could be heard threw out the clearing.

"What is going on hear?" Elest demanded. Quinn grinned at them.

"We're having an orgy, want to join in?" Quinn asked innocently. Ruth sat up shrieking.

"Quinn!"

"Sorry, couldn't resist."

All the elves looking baffled.

"They don't even no what it means!" Quinn crowed and fell off Bailenal laughing. The now bright red elf quickly stood up and headed for the fire. Haldir was still snickering in a very elegant fashion, while Ruth was cackling on the ground.

"Oh shut up the two of you." He grumbled.

_Ok, and I'll end it hear. Right, I am REALLY not happy with this chapter. So, sorry that it was so lame, it was jus a filler you see. Now seriously, I was thinking of doing the all out Mary-Sue romances, but one of my reviewers said look out and be careful to not, but I have a really funny idea for both the girls. So should I? Or not? A stupid corny romance near the end would be amusing on my part. What do you think?_


	4. Pickled frogs legs suck!

**Title: **Crap… so we're in M.E, now what?!

**Chapter 4:**

**Disclaimer: **_What happens if I say I own LOTR? I really would like to no if I'd actually get sued or something…_

_A/N: LOOKY!2 chapters in 2 days! Wooow-wy!!!Ok, people are against the uba Mary-Sue-ness, so I'll just let it lie. Unless I cant contain myself, then maybe. Cos it REALLY is funny. Well it is in my head anyways…_

_NEW CHAPTER! ENJOI!_

_P.S. ::_gets down on knees with tears of joy streaming down face::_ I cant believe people actually find my story funny! OH I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!! _

_Ahem, I mean, thanks for all the reviews!_

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"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"YES!"

"Really?"

"NO!!!"

Quinn huffed at Haldir's back. She paused for a few moments, letting the man –ELF! Think that she was sick of that game, before:

"Haldir?"

Exasperated. "Yes?"

"I have a question."

"And what might that be?"

"Are we there yet?"

The elf ground his teeth in frustration and started cursing in elfish.

"Don't muter obscenities at me mister!" Quinn barked. Haldir blinked in surprise.

"How'd she know?" Elest wondered out loud.

"I'd no that tone of voice anywhere!" Quinn boasted.

Ruth smacked the back of her head. "Shut up ya Gothic hippy."

Quinn gasped. "That was uncalled for." She sniffed. Ruth just rolled her eyes.

"Aw, suck on it."

The four elves and two girls had been walking since about six in the morning, and neither Quinn nor Ruth was happy with this little factor. Quinn was NOT a morning person. Lets just leave it at that. While Ruth was a morning person, waking up in the middle of the forest and having to face Quinn first thing in the morning will have an effect on people, one she did not think to kindly of.

Anyways, where were we? Are yes. Quinn was bored. Not something you should think lightly of. Because when Quinn was bored, Quinn became 34 per centmore destructive and usually when Quinn was bored, so was Ruth and when both girls were bored… use your imagination.

Quinn's thoughts: _'Oh god. I am just SO bored. Well look at Ruthy, she looks bored to, why is she staring at Bailenal's arse like that?'_

Quinn nudged Ruth. "Why are you checking him out?"

"Who?" Ruth asked innocently.

"_Him_." Quinn hissed nodding at the Bailenal.

Ruth smirked and grabbed Quinn. "Come hear for a sec." Ruth angled Quinn's face so she could see what Ruth was seeing. Quinn stared dum struck.

"Damn." She whispered.

They both shared a knowing look.

"Sooooo," Quinn started, trying to think of the best way of phrasing her next question. "How are the rest of our new friends _looking_?"

"Well, I'd give Bailenal hear a 6 out of 10. Elest is around a 7.5, Camlel is, oh I'd say and 8. But Haldir? Damn! He's gotta be a 9.3 hands down."

Quinn grinned stupidly for a few minutes.

Camlel was walking next to Elest. Elest appeared to be strutting.

"_Why are you walking like that?"_

"_Like what?"_ Elest asked all to innocently.

"_Your strutting for them, aren't you?!"_ Camlel demanded.

Elest just shrugged. _"Well, if there going to look, why not make it enjoyable for them?"_

Camlel sighed and shook his head.

Hour's passed and not much happened on the way. But then, after climbing a rather steep hill for quite a while, when they made it to the top the two girls stopped and gasped at the sight before them.

"Wow." Ruth murmured threw her awe at the elfish city below them.

"Look ma'ah! It's Disney land!" Quinn whispered so Ruth could hear. Ruth snorted and slapped Quinn.

"Quiet. You're ruining the moment."

"That's what I do mon cheri." Quinn said with a laugh.

The two followed the elves down into the city. It took another two and a half hours to trek down the freaking hill and into the city. But Ruth was just grateful they were going down hill again. Quinn on the other hand was debating with Haldir as too why the elf should carry her. Bailenal even started backing her up until Haldir pointed out that if Bailenal thought it was such a good idea then perhaps he should carry her down. That, of course, ended the discussion.

When they made it into the city, even Quinn was at a loss for a smart arse remark. The trees were just filled with beautifully crafted houses that wove in and out of the trees from top too the very bottom on the ground.

"Merde de houx." Quinn murmured in French. Ruth elbowed her.

"Ow, what was that for?!"

"Stop cursing in French."

"How'd you know?" Quinn asked in wonder.

"I know _that_ tone of voice." Ruth smirked.

They all reached the bottom of one of the highest trees that seemed to be in the middle of the city. Quinn looked up, craning her neck and seeing the tree must have been about 100 stories high. She looked back at the elves, and then at the stares in front of her.

Sigh. "I hate you." She muttered at the stares.

Several thousand stares, 14water brakes and 8 stumbles later, they reached the platform at the top of the stares.

"Finally!" Ruth gasped.

Haldir gave Quinn an incredibly annoying superior smirk as he past, none of the elves in the least bit fatigued.

"Elfe suffisant de cul de poncy stupide." Quinn growled under her breath at him.

Ruth smacked her arm. "Behave."

"You don't even know what I said!" Quinn protested.

"I don't need to." She retorted.

Camlel stepped in between the two. "Both of you hush down and behave. You are about to meet the Lady and Lord of Lothlorian."

"Galadriel and Celaborn?" Quinn breathed in 'wonder'.

Camlel nodded gravely. Quinn mocked his nod in return, and when he left them, she continued nodding at Ruth.

"Behave your self little sapling." Quinn wheezed in a craptacular imitation of Treebeared. Ruth suppressed a smirk and straitened her skirt in preparation to meet the royal elves.

Both girls were stood at the base of a grand set of stares and the elves that escorted them stood to attention behind them. A blindingly beautiful white light pored down the stares. Quinn held her breath in amazement as two towering elegant figures dressed in long white robes could be seen emerging down the stares.

As Quinn stood gob smacked and frozen in place, Ruth stood impassively and marvelled at the grand entrance with detached fascination.

As the two figures reached the bottom few steps and stoped the light dimmed down to reveal the elves.

On sight of Galadriel and Celaborn, Quinn froze. And I mean _froze_. Her heart and mind seemed to stop for a couple of seconds and in fear of turning blue she took a breath, but that did not help the situation.

She grabbed Ruth's wrist in a painful grip. Ruth looked to her friend and saw her with the 'dear-court-in-headlights' stunned expression all over her face.

"What's up with you?" Ruth hissed at her. Quinn didn't respond, she just kept staring wide eyed at the two elves before her, before she managed to squeak out:

"Aunty Glenda and uncle Carl?"

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_OM MY GOD!!! What could that possibly mean? What the hell is going on? How come Quinn curses in French? Do I have a pet tarantula?! All these questions and more can be answered in the next instalment, as long as I get plenty of REVIEWS!!!_

_Ok,_ ::calms down, cackles_,:: Look! My first descent cliffy. Ok, I know it was very short, so that's why you're getting two chapters, one today and one… later on. Trust me, it'll be soon!_

_Now go! REVIEW! Please? ::_Sniffs.::

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Merde de houx - holly shit.

Elfe suffisant de cul de poncy stupide - Stupid poncy smug arse elf.


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